What She Would Have Wanted
by buffypurple
Summary: Set during season 5. What would happen if things turned out a little differently for Spike and Buffy
1. Chapter 1

Thanks to Kate yet again for being such a great and efficient beta *hug* I love you! I'm going to dedicate this one to all my fellow Spuffies ;)  
  
Buffy felt numb. Her Mom had passed away not long ago. She felt no pain at all, just a numbness that had crept over her like some sort of disease. She was terribly worried that something was wrong with her.  
  
Buffy sat on the couch staring into space. Her baby sister was upstairs crying endlessly. Dawn wouldn't speak a word to anyone since she had broken down, after seeing her mother's body in the morgue. Whenever she went to check on her, Dawn would stare at her morosely, let out a devastated sob and bury her face in her pillow. She refused to go to school and barely ate anything.  
  
No matter how hard she tried, Buffy couldn't get Dawn to eat or get out of the day-after-day funk she was in. All her friends had tried to talk to her, but after an hour of no response, they had trudged back down the stairs, hanging their heads in defeat.  
  
The only person who hadn't tried was Spike.  
  
He hadn't been around much lately and she suspected that the bleached blond, toothless Vampire was trying to keep a respectful distance. Buffy didn't want to deal with him right now, but Dawn was undeniably attached to him. She sighed and trudged up the stairs to her room. She got changed into a pair of dark-blue baggy shorts and a light-blue camisole top. She walked down the hall to the bathroom, cleaned her teeth and splashed cold water on her face. She looked up at her reflection in the mirror. Dark shadows surrounded her eyes and she realised that she hadn't slept in days.  
  
As she walked back down the hall, she noticed that Dawn's sobs had subsided. She paused at her sister's door and carefully opened it. Her sister had fallen asleep fully clothed amongst a pile of photos, a frown still on her face. Tear tracks marred the skin on her cheeks.  
  
Buffy stealthily gathered up the photographs and placed them in a neat pile on the night stand. She then carefully stripped her sister of her clothing and pulled a purple cotton night-dress over her head.  
  
Gathering Dawn into her arms, she got into the bed. She held her tightly as she began to whimper in her sleep. Buffy softly stroked her hair and the noise subsided. The calming motion, having soothed her sister, stopped as Buffy succumbed to her tiredness and fell into a dreamless sleep.  
  
Buffy awoke early after only a few hours of sleep. She moved quietly out of Dawn's bed and went into her own room to get dressed in a pair of faded blue jeans and a plain purple t-shirt. She twisted her hair up into a loose bun, then set about to the task of cleaning the house.  
  
Dawn had stopped crying and she came downstairs to watch TV. Though she still refused to eat anything or speak a word.  
  
Buffy was getting increasingly worried about her. She had an idea of what could snap her sister out of it, but the execution of it would have to wait until nightfall.  
  
She spent the rest of the day watching TV with Dawn, trying to engage her in conversations and looking at the clock, willing it to be later in the day. At last the sun descended bellow the horizon and nightfall came. "Dawn I'm going out for a little while" she called out, there was no response. "Is that OK? Will you be all right here on your own?" Still no acknowledgement. Buffy sighed (a thing she had started doing a lot lately) and left the house. She walked briskly through the cemetery. For some strange reason, she was nervous about seeing him again. Ever since he had declared his love for her (by chaining her to a wall no less) she had felt extremely awkward around him.  
  
She often questioned why she had rejected him. He was funny (though she would never admit it to him), kind to her sister, strong, completely in love with her and drop dead gorgeous. The problem wasn't that she didn't have any feelings for him. It was that she was worried about what her friends would think of her if she and Spike became an item.  
  
She pondered this thought in her head and before she knew it, she was standing right outside his crypt.  
  
She opened the heavy stone door and walked calmly into his dwelling. "Spike, are you in here?" she called out into the gloomy darkness of the crypt. There was no reply. She walked further into the room, but didn't see any sign of him.  
  
"Maybe he's downstairs," she thought to herself. She climbed down the ladder leading to the underground section of his home. A few candles gave light to the large cavern. She looked around and didn't notice him at first until her eyes fell on the bed. He was asleep, apparently wearing nothing at all.  
  
She walked slowly over to the bed "Spike wake up!" she called softly. He didn't stir. "Spike!" she tried again with a bit more volume. He slept like... well, the dead. She laughed inwardly as that thought occurred to her.  
  
She knelt on the edge of the bed and placed a hand on his arm. 'Ooh nice,' she thought at the feel of the hard muscles under her hand. She gently shook him. He moved suddenly. She jumped and lost her balance, tumbling onto the bed next to him.  
  
'Uh oh. not good,' she thought as she felt him wrap his arms around her and bury his face into her neck. He nuzzled at her neck. 'OK maybe not so bad after all...'  
  
She felt a little thrill go through her 'Don't be silly Buffy,' she thought as she looked down at his handsome face. He looked really cute when he was asleep. 'He's probably not even thinking about you.' She started to shift him off of her gently. He was quite heavy and she found it hard to do so from her awkward position.  
  
"Buffy!" he moaned and hugged her to him tighter.  
  
She froze at the sound of her name and smiled in self-satisfaction. 'Hmm so he was thinking about me.'  
  
After several attempts at trying to get away, she gave up.  
  
"Spike!" she said loudly, "can you wake up?" She smacked him firmly on the arm. He whimpered and curled up to the side, releasing her from his grasp. 'OK, slightly better off now, still need to wake him up though.'  
  
She spotted a glass of water next to his bed. She picked it up, looked at it thoughtfully for a moment, then threw the entire contents over his face.  
  
"ARGH!!!"  
  
He woke with a jolt and sat up spluttering. "Bloody Hell woman! What did you have to go and do that for? 'Specially as I was having such a nice dream about..." he looked up at her, "er.. never mind."  
  
She noticed that he was blushing slightly. She ignored it however.  
  
"Spike I need your help. Will you help me?"  
  
He contemplated her for a moment "Yep! Let's go" he jumped up and began to get dressed. Buffy quickly averted her eyes and cleared her throat "Er... don't you want to know what I want your help with?" she asked.  
  
"'Course." he replied "Tell me on the way. I'd do anything for you Kitten. You know you got a willing slave."  
  
It was her turn to blush. "So. What kind of demon is it?" he asked.  
  
"Actually this is about Dawn," she informed him.  
  
He stopped buckling his belt and looked up at her with concern "Nibblet? What about her?"  
  
"I'll explain on the way... I don't want to leave her alone any longer than necessary." "Why do you think she'll listen to me?" he asked as they made their way up the stairs.  
  
Buffy pondered this remark. "Personally I have no idea why she likes you, but I know that she thinks of you as... well, as one of her best friends."  
  
"Have you tried her other friends?" he looked concerned. "I mean, are you sure I'm the right person for her to be talking to?"  
  
"Spike! You and I both know that she hasn't got any other friends," she hissed angrily as they came to a stop outside Dawn's bedroom.  
  
"Don't know why," he whispered back "My Nibblet is a bloody nice person, you'd think people would consider themselves lucky to hang out with her."  
  
She took a deep breath "it's because of me," she said sadly.  
  
"That's ridiculous Slay-"  
  
She cut him off. "I know it's because of my reputation. People have heard about the things I did, they're worried that Dawn's the same.... I once heard some lady warning her daughter not to talk to Dawn incase she got her into the 'bad crowd'... poor Dawnie. She doesn't deserve that. It's not her fault that I'm The Slayer"  
  
"It's not your fault either Luv," he said softly.  
  
She smiled weakly. "I used to wish for a normal life, it was what I wanted more than anything in the whole world."  
  
"What changed?" he asked, Interested.  
  
"I got a taste of normal," she told him, "and you know what? Normal is overrated. I think some people need to be normal, to fit in, to be happy. But I know that I need more than that, I've realised that being The Slayer is who I am. I can't run from it, it's what makes me, me. I have to embrace it... does that make any sense to you? I guess it's hard to explain."  
  
He looked down at her with awe, she was so amazing, never in his 121 years of existence had he felt such strong emotions for anyone. He ached to reach out and touch her, press his lips against hers. She was strong in so many ways but also fragile. He wanted to hold her, comfort her and protect her from the cruelties of the world. He didn't want anyone to damage this amazing, incredible woman's spirit.  
  
He cleared his throat. "Yeah Luv, I think I know what you mean."  
  
She gave him a sad smile. Now he felt heart-wrenching sorrow. Here was the most beautiful woman in the world, turning to him to try and comfort her devastated sister because of the death of their mother. Who was there to look after her? She shouldn't have to go through that alone, but here she was, with no-one to support her. Her father had abandoned her and now her mother was gone too. She had to look after her younger sister. A responsibility that she had put above all else. He hated that she was in pain. He just wanted to take her in his arms and kiss the hurt away.  
  
She glanced up at him and saw many emotions in his eyes, mostly she saw the love, love for her, an extremely powerful love that radiated from him and made her heart suddenly pound and ache. She was amazed by the look of unquestionable devotion and admiration that shone from him. It made her knees weak and her pulse race. She couldn't bring herself to look away from his turbulent blue eyes.  
  
"If there is ever anything you need from me, no matter how small and inadequate it may seem. don't hesitate to ask. Luv, I want you to promise me," Spike said, his voice breaking slightly with his emotional request. She managed to tear her gaze from his concerned one and stare down at the floor.  
  
"I promise," she mumbled, embarrassed by his request. "Oh. and Spike?"  
  
"Yes Slayer?"  
  
"Thank you."  
  
He gave her a small nod. She left him outside her sister's room. "If you need me, I'll be downstairs," she called over her shoulder.  
  
He stood facing Dawn's bedroom door.  
  
"You can do this Spike. Buffy's counting on you." He took a deep breath, rapped once on the door, and softly slipped into Dawn's room.  
  
Dawn was sitting on the edge of the bed, shoulders hunched, apparently staring off into space. Spike walked over to her and sat down next to her. Without turning to look at him, she leaned over and rested her head on his shoulder. He kissed the top of her head and wrapped an arm round her thin shoulders. "Platelet, talk to me? Your sister is very worried about you."  
  
Dawn started to sob into his shoulder. "Nibblet. I know it hurts, I've seen many people I love die in my life time and it never really gets easier."  
  
She buried her face into his chest. He tightened his arm around her and rocked her slowly. "Buffy told me you haven't been eating?"  
  
"Oh Spike! I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I feel like if I stop looking at pictures and thinking about her, I'll never remember her the way she deserves to be remembered. I'm worried that I'll forget her and I don't want her to go un-remembered!"  
  
"Everyone goes through this, Pet. Eventually all the things that need to be remembered find their place in your heart. So a person is never really gone. Your Mum will always be with you."  
  
"But... she was all I had."  
  
"Nonsense. What about Buffy? And me? And the Scoobies? And..."  
  
She interrupted him. "The gang only put up with me because I'm Buffy's sister. Buffy only puts up with me because it's her job to protect the Key."  
  
"Don't be silly Bit! Buffy loves you, and even if that wasn't true, you still have me." He shifted her onto his lap and put both of his arms around her, hugging her to him tightly. "I love you."  
  
"Really? Do you mean that?"  
  
"'Course I do. If you weren't around, I'd have to play poker by myself and tell myself stories."  
  
She gave a small smile. He did the same, glad that he was able to cheer her up even a little bit. Then his expression changed back to serious.  
  
"I know you miss Joyce. So do I. She was a brilliant woman and was always there for me when I needed to talk. But you need to start moving on Platelet, people go through this every day, and I'm not saying that they're feeling what you're feeling right now. I know that loss feels different for different people. You have to remember that you're not the only one in pain. You're sister is hurtin' a lot more than she's letting on."  
  
"She is?" Dawn considered this. "But she acts like nothing has changed. Like it's just a normal thing."  
  
"Buffy is a very special person. She was given all these powers and the most important job there is, to protect the world. She grew up fast, but she still leaned on your Mum. Joyce supported her and helped her in any way that she could. Now Buffy knows that she has to find a way to earn money and look after you when she's never had to look after anyone other than herself before. You're growing up and thinking about how you're going to go out and make your mark on the world. Buffy's responsibilities prevent her from that. She must be finding it hard and rather overwhelming to be without Joyce. You need to look after each other."  
  
"Oh! I never thought of it that way," Dawn said thoughtfully. "Poor Buffy. We should help her if we can."  
  
"Your Sis also told me that she's been able to obtain full guardianship of you, on the condition that you both have monthly interviews and every couple of weeks a social worker who comes to check that the house is in order."  
  
"Why are you telling me this?" she asked.  
  
"Well you see Bit. If a social worker decides to make a surprise visit and notices that you haven't been eating properly, Buffy may not be seen fit to take care of you, and I don't want my Poker partner taken away now do I?"  
  
"OK Spike. I'll start eating again....we must find a way to make things easier for Buffy...I can't...I can't lose her too," she said, determined. He placed a light kiss on her forehead.  
  
"And we will Sweetbit!" He passed her a tissue from her night stand. She wiped the remaining tears from her eyes and blew her nose. She stood up with a determined look on her face, offered her hand to Spike and when he took it, helped him up. Without letting go of his hand she led him downstairs.  
  
"Buffy!?" she called out.  
  
"Dawnie?" Buffy came out of the kitchen. "You're talking again!" she hurried over to her sister and wrapped her in a big hug. Spike stood to the side watching the scene with a satisfied smile on his face. "Spike." Buffy released her sister. "Thank you."  
  
She gave him a light kiss on the cheek.  
  
"Wow! Well I guess we've finally answered the question of whether or not vampires can blush," Dawn said with a mischievous smile on her face. Buffy turned to the beet red vampire who had a slightly dazed expression on his face.  
  
"I'm gonna order some pizza, and Dawnie, you wanna watch a few movies?" Buffy paused and looked up at Spike "You're welcome to join us, if you want."  
  
He snapped out of the daze, and cleared his throat. "I'd, uh, love to." 


	2. Chapter 2

After a few weeks, Dawn had become more like her old bright bubbly self and Buffy and Spike had grown closer and closer. They patrolled together at night and often watched a movie or something when they got back. Buffy grew more attracted to him every hour they spent together, she didn't see him as a demon anymore.  
  
She saw him as a man.  
  
Spike's love for her was increasing, if that was possible. He was trying really hard to be patient and waited for her to make the first move. Spike couldn't believe his luck. The love of his un-life was curled up in his arms fast asleep. They had ordered pizza and then sat down together on the sofa. Buffy and Dawn had snuggled up together under a blanket he was on the end, watching over them. His happiness increased even further when Buffy decided to stretch out and rest her feet in his lap.  
  
They watched 'Miss Congeniality'. But he couldn't really concentrate on the story line, not with the object of his affections sitting so close to him.  
  
Halfway through the movie, Dawn had yawned really loudly and trudged up the stairs to bed after a mumbled goodnight. Buffy had tucked her feet under her body. Spike was very disappointed and had had to suppress a shiver at the feeling of lost contact.  
  
That was until she had rested her head on his shoulder. He had been ecstatic. He held completely still because he was worried that the slightest movement would scare her away. He debated whether or not to wrap his arm around her waist.  
  
The decision was made for him, when he was lost in thought over the dilemma and she had snuggled closer into the crook of his arm. He realised that he had already instinctively put his arm around her.  
  
He had watched her, as her eyes had slowly drifted shut. He waited until her breathing evened out and covered her up with the blanket using his free arm, and tried to lay her down. She however, refused to relinquish her grip on him. Not that he minded at all.  
  
He twisted to the side and lay back onto the sofa bringing her with him. He settled her gently on top of him. He could not bring himself to fall asleep because he knew that this was probably the only chance he would have with her sleeping in his embrace.  
  
So he lay awake and watched the rise and fall of her chest.  
  
In the morning Dawn spied the sleeping couple and decided that she could do with a few more hours sleep after all. She ascended back up the stairs.  
  
A little while later Buffy woke up slowly. As she was waking from a surprisingly good dream she shifted slightly and enjoyed the feel of the hard muscular body underneath her. 'Wait, that's not right!'  
  
She awoke with a jolt, and looked up to see an amused Spike smiling down at her.  
  
"Mornin' Luv. Sleep well?" he asked with his patented smirk and raised eyebrow.  
  
"Spike?" she asked, her sleep addled mind not understanding what he was doing there, on her sofa, in her house, with her on top of him.  
  
"Yes Luv?"  
  
"Um.... good morning," she stammered, embarrassed.  
  
The fog of sleep began to clear from her mind. "You fell asleep on top of me during the movie. I tried to shift you off, but you seemed to have other ideas. So what's a fellow to do? I had to change all my plans for the evening and stay here with you".  
  
She looked mortified.  
  
"Just kidding you, Kitten," he winked at her, his eyes twinkling with mischief, "there's no place I'd rather be." Then he answered her unasked question. "And I didn't touch you Luv. I swear."  
  
"No! I didn't think..."  
  
"It's OK Luv. I'd be thinking the same thing in your shoes," he smiled at her gently. She blushed.  
  
"No. What I'm trying to say is that, I trust you not to take advantage of me and I trust you with Dawn."  
  
He looked at her, his clear blue eyes astonished.  
  
"I trust you Spike" she echoed a final time.  
  
It felt like time had frozen for a few seconds and then reality washed over him. 'She trusts me.' A wide grin split his face and he looked down at her, blissfully happy. The only thing that was stopping him from jumping up and dancing a jig was the fact that she was still on top of him. 'And she doesn't look like she's going to be moving any time soon,' he thought. He'd never felt so happy before. Then another thought occurred to him and his brow furrowed as he considered the risks of what he intended to do.  
  
Buffy noticed his change in expression. "Spike? Is something wrong?"  
  
"No Luv. I was just wondering if I'd get beaten up if I tell you that you look beautiful when you're sleeping." She blushed yet again. He gazed into her eyes willing her to see how much he loved her. She stared back unblinkingly.  
  
"Spike?" she whispered hoarsely.  
  
"Yes Kitten?" He had instantly become serious and his eyes kept darting to her lips.  
  
"Um... I forgot..." she tilted her head up slightly, their lips now only several inches apart.  
  
"Mmm... you forgot what?" His was voice deep, practically purring, eyes focusing on her bottom lip. He leaned in closer, their lips now only a few millimetres apart.  
  
She suddenly seemed to come back to herself and realised what she was doing.  
  
She leapt up. "Sorry I... I'm sorry," she stammered then turned and ran up the stairs, leaving a very puzzled Spike sitting on the sofa.  
  
She paced back and forth by the foot of her bed. "Oh God! Oh God! Oh God!" she sat on the edge of her bed and put her head in her hands.  
  
"Buffy?" Dawn knocked on her door. "What's wrong?"  
  
"Nothing Dawnie! Why... wha... why?" She mentally slapped herself. 'Yeah that'll convince her that nothing's wrong.'  
  
"Oh come on, Buffy! I can hear you talking to yourself. Open the door?"  
  
Sighing, Buffy stood up and unlocked the door. Dawn took her hand and led her back to sit on the bed. "OK spill!" she demanded.  
  
"Dawnie... I... It's nothing," she looked at her sister, willing her with her eyes to just give up and not ask her about what happened. She knew she wouldn't be able to deceive her sister.  
  
"Is this about Spike?"  
  
"Spike?" Buffy squeaked, then cleared her throat, eyes wide, trying her best to look innocent.  
  
"Ha! I knew it! You have a thing for him!"  
  
Buffy turned bright red. "No Dawn! It's not about Spike..."  
  
Dawn raised an eyebrow and regarded her sceptically. "Uh huh! Right, not about Spike..."  
  
"Yep, nothing to do with Spike whatsoever."  
  
"Buffy, come on! I know you totally have a thing for him."  
  
If it was possible, Buffy turned even more red. "Dawn, no I don't... I can't... he's a vampire!"  
  
"Buffy please! I saw you this morning, all cuddled up together, very cosy," Dawn smirked at her blushing sister.  
  
"That was... a mistake, I didn't mean... I was tired and I fell asleep and he was there... It could have happened with anyone."  
  
"Uh huh! You keep telling yourself that Buff," she gave a suggestive wink. "Besides! How can you not think he's hot?"  
  
"Dawn!" Buffy exclaimed, shocked.  
  
"Well he is! Have you seen him naked?"  
  
"Dawn! You better not have!" her sister gasped.  
  
"Chill! I accidentally walked in on him when he was getting dressed. He only had his shirt off and he was completely embarrassed about the whole thing," Dawn exclaimed.  
  
"Well. that's OK then. Yes, and I know. he's definitely a hottie!" Buffy confessed. "It's just that he's... dead and he's dead... dead!"  
  
"You know, after a while that excuse gets a bit old. Come on! He's completely in love with you, give him a chance!"  
  
Buffy looked thoughtful.  
  
"What happened downstairs to get you all freaked out anyway?"  
  
Buffy looked away, embarrassed. "Um... well... er... we almost... sorta... we were very close to... kissing."  
  
Dawn squealed with excitement. "Oh my God, Buffy! This is sooo huge!"  
  
"Huh? Huge?! Not huge!" she insisted frantically.  
  
Dawn calmed herself down after seeing how panicked and confused her sister was. "You're right, Buffy. This isn't that huge. My teenage mind gets excited easily."  
  
Buffy calmed down a bit and flopped back on her bed with a sigh. "What am I going to do?" she groaned.  
  
"Um... you go back downstairs and talk to him."  
  
"No! I can't face him yet. Not after..."  
  
"Oh! Come on! This is Spike, he won't rush you, he won't get mad. If you tell him you want to take things slow he'll do it... He'd do anything for you."  
  
Buffy took a deep breath.  
  
"And Buffy?"  
  
"Yes Dawnie?"  
  
"Don't forget to breathe, I don't think it's healthy for your face to turn purple too often like it did a minute ago."  
  
Buffy gave her sister the evil eye. "Very funny!"  
  
"I thought so, now go!" and with that, Dawn pushed her sister out the door.  
  
Spike was sitting on the sofa lacing up his boots when Buffy walked back in. She cleared her throat nervously "Wh... Are you going somewhere?'  
  
"Yeah, you must have stuff to do. I'll get out of your way."  
  
'Don't let him leave like this Buffy,' she thought frantically. "Spike it's daytime. You'll get all crispy if you go outside," she babbled. 'Ha! Good thinking!'  
  
"It's OK Pet, if I run really fast and stick to the shadows, I can make it to the sewers... I hope, no worries!" he said nonchalantly. He grabbed his duster and stood up to slip it on.  
  
"Spike, please stay."  
  
He blinked, stopped what he was doing and regarded her silently.  
  
"Keep me company? Dawn's going shopping with Janice, and I have nothing to do all day."  
  
Spike's face broke into a grin, a sight that she didn't get to see often. It was especially rare to see him look so genuinely happy.  
  
"Please?"  
  
"Ok Kitten. I'll stay."  
  
She smiled in relief. She loved it when he called her 'Kitten'. He called everyone 'Pet' or 'Luv' but he reserved 'Kitten' for her only.  
  
"I want to apologise about earlier..."  
  
"Spike, don't apologise. I... it wasn't... then I panicked, I'm sorry. You understand?" she mentally kicked herself for being such a spaz.  
  
"Sure Slayer. We'll forget it ever happened," he said, hurt evident in his voice.  
  
"No... I mean..." she took a step forward. "I'm sorry I jumped up and spoilt the mood." With that she tilted her head up and claimed his lips with her own.  
  
Spike's mind could barely comprehend what was happening, as he lost himself in her kiss. The only thought he had was: I love her and she's kissing me. He wrapped his arms tightly around her and pulled her as close to him as possible. She moaned. He took advantage of the fact that her mouth was open and slipped his tongue into her mouth. She caressed it with her own. The intensity of the kiss made her knees feel weak.  
  
Breathing was becoming a problem for Buffy, she didn't want to lose the wonderful contact she had with his mouth, but she was beginning to run out of oxygen. As if sensing her problem, Spike pulled back and began placing wet kisses down her neck. His hands gently stroked her back in small soothing circles. She moaned again and felt her legs give out,  
  
Spike scooped her up and moved them over to the sofa. Placing her gently on his lap he continued his oral exploration of her neck, shoulder and ear. She snuggled into his chest with a contented sigh.  
  
He moved back up to her mouth again and nuzzled the corner of it with his own. "Look at that lip, gonna get it. gonna get it," he murmured. His deep voice sent tingles through her body. She let out another moan when she felt him trace her bottom lip with his tongue. She parted her lips and he slipped his tongue back into her mouth.  
  
"Spike!" she managed to gasp. "Do... don't leave me."  
  
He paused in his ministrations. "I told you I'd stay here today kitten," he gently kissed her on the lips.  
  
"Mmmm... still so tired and you're so comfy." she let out a little yawn.  
  
"You sleep, Kitten," he pressed a kiss to her forehead. "I'll watch over you."  
  
"'K." she closed her eyes "Don't ever leave me...they always leave."  
  
"Wild horses, Kitten," he told her softly. "They couldn't ever keep me away." 


	3. Chapter 3

Two months later.  
  
Spike woke up, looked at the nude sleeping form next to him and smiled. 'So bloody beautiful,' he thought. 'I must be the luckiest guy in the world.'  
  
Their relationship was great, full of passion and love. Even though she had yet to say the words to him, he knew that she loved him. They spent most of their time together. He often stayed with her during the day, keeping her company when her friends were at school.  
  
She had to drop out of College. As Joyce was no longer around, there was no monthly income to pay for food and other necessities, she used the tuition money her father sent her to help pay the bills. Spike had offered to pay for her tuition but she had politely refused him.  
  
They patrolled together every night, then either went back to his crypt or her house. The only problem was that she hadn't yet told her friends about the relationship. When he tried to ask her the reason, she changed the subject or distracted him (usually something to do with her naked body).  
  
He worried that she was ashamed of him. He didn't want Buffy to be embarrassed about being with him. He was getting a bit annoyed at having to constantly explain his presence in Buffy's house, or being hurriedly squashed into some closet somewhere when they were interrupted in the middle of something.  
  
Yesterday he and Buffy were 'training' in the back room of the magic shop and the next thing he knew he was under a pile of mats with Buffy sitting on top of them for almost half an hour, while she discussed the newest big bad with her Watcher.  
  
He was glad that he didn't have to hide the relationship from his 'Little Bit'. She had found out on the second week of them being together. He had been hiding behind the couch while Buffy had hastily grabbed a magazine off the table and was pretending to calmly read it when Dawn inquired as to why Spike's pants were hanging from the lamp shade.  
  
Nothing Buffy said had convinced Dawn as to why they were there. Then Spike had seen a spider crawl near his hand and jumped up from his hiding place with a girly shriek. The back of the couch thankfully hid his nudity.  
  
Dawn, trying not to giggle, had given them her blessing and told them that she was going to do her homework upstairs with her music turned up "really loud." Buffy had been relieved.  
  
Spike could tell that she was really worried about what people would think about her. Dawn being so OK with it made things easier.  
  
Buffy let out a little whimper in her sleep and reached out for him. "It's alright Kitten, I'm here." He curled his body around her and gently kissed her forehead. She seemed to be in the midst of a bad dream, her expression was worried. He began whispering endearments to her. "It's OK Kitten, I love you, it's OK, it's only a dream. God I love you so much!"  
  
He sensed that she was waking up and he began peppering her face with little kisses murmering "love you!" after each one. Her eyes slowly opened. "Morning, Kitten," he smiled down at her with love.  
  
"Mmm... morning." She stretched and then snuggled into his chest with a little smile.  
  
"You OK luv? You looked like you were having a bad dream," he said, his face concerned.  
  
"Yeah! I don't remember much of it actually. there was darkness full of... it felt evil... but then a voice called to me... then I guess... I guess I woke up."  
  
"I hope it wasn't one of your Slayer dreams Pet."  
  
"It didn't feel like a Slayer dream, those are usually really vivid when I wake up... This one was vague. So no need to worry about it."  
  
"Can't help it Kitten. I always worry about you." He kissed her gently, then deeply with passion. She sighed happily as he moved his body on top of hers. She always felt safe when she was in his arms. Xander and Willow had been knocking on the front door for at least five minutes.  
  
"You don't think a demon could have got to her do you?" the redhead asked her friend worriedly. Xander went round to the side of the front porch and peered through the window.  
  
"There's no sign of any struggle... This window is open, give me a boost up?"  
  
Once inside, Xander opened the front door to let Willow in. She was out of breath "You know, I think it would have been a better idea for you to boost me in through the window, not..." she broke off when she heard the sound of a growl from upstairs and a small cry.  
  
"Oh God! Xander! There's something up there hurting Buffy!"  
  
Xander raced up the stairs, with Willow following closely behind and burst into Buffy's room. "Buffy are you al... Oh God!"  
  
Buffy gasped in horror and embarrassment. She pulled the sheet quickly over her and Spike.  
  
"Oops! Sorry Buff!" Xander began to back out of the room when Willow burst in.  
  
"Xander, what is it? What's... Buffy! What are you doing?!" the Witch exclaimed. "Or should I say who are you doing?"  
  
They all heard a muffled "Bloody hell!" from under the sheet.  
  
"Spike? you're doing Spike!?"  
  
"Oh God!" Buffy groaned. "Please tell me this isn't happening."  
  
"Buffy?" Xander questioned her.  
  
"Um. guys. can you go downstairs and wait while we get dressed?" Buffy asked sheepishly.  
  
Buffy got dressed frantically. "Oh God! I can't believe they found out about us like that."  
  
Spike didn't understand why she was so upset about it. "It's not that bad Luv. They were going to find out sooner or later," he tried to comfort her. He walked over to her and rubbed her arms. "Calm down Kitten, it's not the end of the world."  
  
"Not the end of the world? It's worse!" she exclaimed angrily and moved away from him.  
  
This got Spike angry. "I knew it! I knew that you were ashamed of being with me! You're just using me aren't you?"  
  
"Spike! Don't you dare make me out to be some sort of whore!" she shouted back.  
  
"You have sex with me, but you don't love me! You come to me when you feel like it and you haven't told anyone about it. You are acting like a whore," he shot back, furious. "Hadn't had any in a long time had you? So you decided to come to me! You don't love me and I was a fool to think that you ever would. I'm just... convenient to you... I just happened to be the only person around that could scratch your itch!"  
  
"I can't believe you! You complete Pig!" she screamed. "You're right I don't love you! How could I could ever love you?! You are a disgusting thing! You're lucky I even let you touch me! You're beneath me!" she screamed back, angry and hurt by his words.  
  
Inside Spike could feel his heart breaking at every hurtful word she sent his way. "Let me make things easier for you Slayer, 'cos I can't take any more of this from you," he gritted his teeth, gave her one last glance and stormed out of the room.  
  
As he left, Buffy sank numbly to the floor and burst into tears, where Willow and Xander found her a while later. As soon as he left, Spike burst into tears. He couldn't think about anything except losing her, how he'd never get to hold her in his arms again. 'I've got to get her out of my head.'  
  
He gathered himself together, went back to his crypt, packed his few belongings into the Desoto and drove down the highway out of Sunnydale, and out of her life. Xander and Willow did everything they could to comfort the distraught Slayer, but nothing seemed to work.  
  
"It's OK Buffy, we're not mad at you or anything, we were just taken by surprise. There's no reason to be so upset," Xander told her.  
  
"You don't understand Xand," she sobbed.  
  
"Then tell me, make it so we can understand." Still sitting on the floor, he pulled her into his arms while Willow rubbed her back comfortingly.  
  
"Oh God! I love him... I love him and he left me. They always leave me," she sobbed.  
  
Xander and Willow exchanged worried glances.  
  
"Aw Buff! It'll be OK, we're here for you." Willow wrapped her arms around her too. Spike was curled up on the back seat of his car. He couldn't sleep, he couldn't eat, he couldn't comprehend anything but the fact that he'd lost her, ruined his only chance at happiness. 'Why couldn't you be content with what you had?' he asked himself. 'So what if she hadn't told anyone, so what if she was ashamed of being with you? You had a good thing going there mate, and you blew it!'  
  
All he wanted to do was crawl back to her on his hands and knees and make things right. But he didn't, for fear that she wouldn't take him back, for fear that she would hate him.  
  
'I have to do something so that she can have something more from me, I don't want her to think I'm a disgusting thing. I need to prove to her that I've changed.'  
  
Now that he had a mission, Spike jumped back into the front seat and started the car. "Bitch is going to see a change. She'll get what she deserves."  
  
He set off, determined to do whatever it took to prove his worth to her. 


	4. Chapter 4

One year later  
  
A black car crashed through the 'Welcome to Sunnydale' sign and skidded to a halt. The occupant got out, stared worriedly at the town and sighed.  
  
"Home sweet home."  
  
Spike got back into the Desoto and ran his hands nervously through his still bleached blond hair. It had however, gotten slightly longer and it curled at the nape of his neck. He still wore his long leather duster and customary black attire. He looked almost exactly as before, but you should never judge a book by it's cover.  
  
He was as nervous as hell at the mere thought of seeing Buffy again. He took a deep breath and a swig of whisky from his flask to calm his nerves, and drove away in the direction of her house.  
  
He walked slowly up to her door, almost shaking with fear.  
  
"Get a hold of yourself mate." He took yet another deep breath and knocked.  
  
Dawn opened the door and screamed.  
  
"Er... Hello Nibblet," he said uneasily.  
  
She just stood there gaping at him with her mouth wide open.  
  
"Spike?" she managed to squeak out, after a while.  
  
"Um... Yeah, Lil' bit, it's me. How have you been?"  
  
"If you really cared about that you would've stuck around and seen for yourself," she told him hotly, quickly getting over her surprise at seeing him.  
  
"I'm so sorry Sweetheart, I wanted to be here with you, believe me. It almost killed me having to leave."  
  
Dawn's expression softened. She stared at her feet.  
  
"I missed you."  
  
"I missed you too, Pet. Did you get my letters?" he asked softly.  
  
"Yeah," she looked up at him, "but it wasn't the same as having you here, and I couldn't write back because you didn't send me the address of where you were. I thought we were best friends. How could you just leave like that without saying anything?"  
  
"Can I come in Bit? Or do I have to stay out here all night?" he changed the subject.  
  
She moved aside and let him in. He stood in the hallway uncomfortably with his hands in his pockets.  
  
"Um... Spike..." She turned to regard him. "You have to know that a lot of things changed around here while you were away."  
  
"It's to be expec..." he broke when he heard the sound of a baby crying upstairs. "Nibblet? What's that noise?"  
  
"Um... That? Well..."  
  
He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "Please tell me that Buffy didn't have a child with another man while I was away. If she did, I want you to stake me right here and now, I couldn't bloody take it!" he told her emotionally.  
  
"No! Spike... She didn't... I... Erm you see... the baby is mine."  
  
Spike tried his hardest to process this new information in a way that wouldn't make him over-react. He took another deep breath, which he took far too many of for someone who didn't need to breathe.  
  
"Nibblet - how? When? Who? How. how could you ruin your life like this?"  
  
"I didn't ruin my life, I love my... um, my daughter very much, she's the best thing that's ever happened to me. Now excuse me! I have to go see to her, you can wait in the living room."  
  
Spike went into the living room. He noticed that hardly anything had changed in the house. Except for the baby things scattered about.  
  
A few minutes later, Dawn came back down the stairs holding the little baby with the utmost of care. She walked over to the sofa and sat down next to Spike.  
  
"Would you like to hold her?" she asked him softly.  
  
"Um... I don't think... I don't really know how," he confessed.  
  
"It's easy," she placed the baby carefully in his arms. "Just support the head... yeah, exactly like that."  
  
Spike gazed down at the little bundle in his arms. She was one of the most beautiful things that he'd ever seen in his life. She had the brightest blue eyes, a perfect tiny little button nose and the cutest little mouth. She gazed back at up at him.  
  
"She's so beautiful," he said with awe.  
  
Dawn smiled at the site of the Vampire holding the baby with such care.  
  
"She's perfect, isn't she?"  
  
"Yeah Bit, she's perfect... I still can't believe you have a baby though. I still see you as my baby," he told her, tears shining in his eyes. The baby let out a little yawn and her eyes began to droop shut. "What's her name?" he whispered, not wanting to disturb her.  
  
"Well... she doesn't have one yet, she's 3 months old but it didn't feel right choosing her name without her fath... er we haven't thought of a suitable name for her yet. We've just been calling her the baby."  
  
"Nibblet? Where's Buffy?" he murmured, still looking at the baby.  
  
"She's still out patrolling, she should be home soon."  
  
"Um... how..." he cleared his throat. Dawn knew what he meant.  
  
"She's OK...She wasn't for quite a long time, she really missed you."  
  
"She did?" he questioned.  
  
"Yeah, when you left, she was a real mess for a long time, then she found out about the baby and managed to pull her life together. For my sake and the baby's"  
  
"I didn't mean to hurt her... or you." His voice broke with emotion.  
  
"I know Spike, I know." A while later Dawn heard the back door open and carefully got up.  
  
She had been curled around Spike's arm. He had seemed physically and emotionally exhausted as she caught him up on what had been going on during his absence. Dawn had to edit a few of the events so that they fit with the story that she'd told him. She'd been telling him about Xander and Anya's wedding when he'd fallen asleep.  
  
"Buffy?"  
  
"Dawnie, what are you doing up so late? I'm sorry I didn't come back sooner, there was this big slime demon and he was going to..." She saw her sister's worried expression. "What's wrong? Did something happen to the baby?"  
  
"No Buffy, she's fine."  
  
Buffy breathed a sigh of relief.  
  
"It's about Spike..."  
  
"Why? Have you heard from him? Is he OK? He's not. dead, is he?" Buffy drew the breath back in.  
  
"You are so paranoid! No he's fine... It's just... He's here, Buffy."  
  
"What?! He's what?" Buffy tried to comprehend what this meant.  
  
"He fell asleep on the sofa, We were waiting for you to get back. He looked so tired..."  
  
Buffy walked into the living room and felt a rush of different emotions.  
  
Spike was fast asleep on the sofa with the baby held securely in his arms, her head tucked under his chin. They both looked so peaceful cuddled up together. The sight made Buffy start crying softly.  
  
"Buffy? Are you OK?" Dawn asked her. She led her sister back into the kitchen and sat her on a stool.  
  
"I'm OK Dawnie, it's just a lot to see him again... and with the baby like that... I just..."  
  
"It's alright, Buffy." Dawn gave her sister a hug.  
  
"Well? What did he say when he found out about her?" Buffy asked worriedly.  
  
"He doesn't know yet, I thought I'd give you the chance to tell him when you were ready."  
  
"What? Dawn? What do you mean? He obviously already knows about her," she said, confused.  
  
"No he doesn't. I told him that she was mine. He doesn't know that she's his daughter," Dawn smirked.  
  
Buffy carefully extricated her daughter from her father's arms. She didn't want to disturb either of them. He stirred in his sleep.  
  
"Mmf... Buffy." he mumbled.  
  
She smiled. 'Still dreaming about me, hmm?' she thought to herself.  
  
She carried the baby upstairs, placed her gently in her cot and tucked her in.  
  
"I love you," she whispered and kissed her forehead. The baby let out a little gurgle in her sleep.  
  
She went back downstairs and sat down quietly next to Spike. She studied his face. He looked so adorable when he was asleep, so beautiful and innocent. He didn't look any different than he had a year ago, which shouldn't have surprised her. He was a Vampire after all. Something about him seemed different though. She couldn't quite put her finger on what it was.  
  
She put the palm of her hand on his cheek and then began to trace his features with her finger tips. She ran them over his cheekbones, down his nose, over his bottom lip and finally, over the scar on his eyebrow.  
  
His eyelids fluttered as he began to wake up, he leaned into her touch before he realised who it was that was touching him in that way.  
  
"Buffy?!" he pulled away and sat up straight. "I...I'm sorry, I didn't mean to fall asleep like this, I'll come back another day," he stammered nervously.  
  
"No Spike, we need to talk," she informed him grimly  
  
"Yes we do... but it's very late, you must be tired. Are you sure you don't want me to come back at a better time?" he asked her.  
  
She took a deep breath "I want you to know... that, that night... I didn't mean what I said. I was confused and worried..."  
  
"Buffy you shouldn't be apol-"  
  
"Don't interrupt me," she told him firmly. "I've wanted to say this for such a long time, so just sit quietly while I get it out."  
  
He regarded her with awe. Gone was the unsure girl he once knew, and in her place was a confident self-reliant woman. In that moment he knew that he loved her as much as, if not more than, before.  
  
"Where was I?"  
  
Erm... somewhere around confused." He gave her a little smile, as if to experiment his standing with her.  
  
"I said no interruptions," she snapped, but with a little smile of her own.  
  
"I was confused and worried about my friends finding out about us like that. I didn't realise how much you meant to me. The things I said to you were inexcusable, but I wasn't using you. Yes, I was ashamed of what would happen when my friends found out I was sleeping with a monster, but I hadn't realised that you hadn't been a monster for a very long time, and no- one saw you as evil anymore. I was foolish and hiding behind my own insecurities and for that I'm sorry." She paused. "But I still can't forgive you for leaving me when I needed you the most."  
  
Spike had tears in his eyes for the second time that night. He slid off the sofa and knelt at her feet. He felt tumultuous feelings that were beginning to overcome him.  
  
"Luv. I'm so sorry I had to leave, I didn't want to, but being with you and knowing that you would never love me was bloody torture!" he told her desperately. Tears streamed down his cheeks, but he didn't care. "I had to go out and find my place in this world, I knew that my entire existence couldn't revolve around you. I went to figure out who or what I am. I thought about you every minute I was gone. My heart ached to be with you and my whole body was screaming for me to go back and beg you for forgiveness."  
  
He grasped her hand tightly. Silent tears were rolling down her face.  
  
"I'm sorry for what I said to you too. If there was a way that I could've stayed I would have found it. I just wanted to give you what you deserved. All I want is for you to be happy."  
  
"You leaving didn't make me happy. It nearly killed me," she sobbed. "You always knew exactly what to say, and how to comfort me. But you weren't there, you left! Just like every man I ever loved: My father, Angel, Giles. I thought you would never leave like that. I trusted you."  
  
He pulled her into his arms and held her tightly to him. She didn't resist and relaxed into him.  
  
"But you didn't love me, Kitten!" he murmured sadly.  
  
"Why are you so certain about that?" she asked softly. She looked thoughtful for a moment. "I do know that I still care a lot for you, I still want you in my life."  
  
He didn't know how he was supposed to take that comment. "Luv, we both said some pretty awful things... do you think we can forgive and forget and start over?" he asked, willing her to see that he had changed.  
  
"Start over? Like how?" she pulled away from him gently and regarded him.  
  
He sat back onto the sofa next to her. "Well... how about we go patrolling tomorrow, start with that and then see what happens from there?" he asked hopefully.  
  
She looked into his eyes and saw deep pain. Pain that had come from the thought that he had hurt her. She knew deep down inside that he loved her unconditionally, and that if he had known how much his leaving had hurt her, he would'nt have done it.  
  
She paused for a few seconds, thinking about his proposal. "Sounds good... Spike, I know you didn't mean to hurt me," she smiled. She certainly had deep feelings for him and wanted him in her and their daughter's life. This was a good way for them to take things slowly one step at a time, and she could figure out just how much he meant to her.  
  
"So we're friends?" he held out his hand  
  
"Friends." She shook his hand in agreement. "Then we'll take it from there."  
  
They stood up and she saw him to the door.  
  
"Night Pet!" he kissed her on the cheek. "I promise I'll never leave you again unless you want me to. Please believe me when I say that wild horses couldn't keep me away from you again." He silently pleaded with her to believe him.  
  
"Goodnight Spike!" she watched him walk to his car and drive away. 'One thing's for certain,' she thought to herself, 'that man still has a very nice ass.' 


	5. Chapter 5

Buffy and Spike had become close again. They went out together almost every night for a week, patrolling.  
  
Buffy found herself growing more and more attracted to him again. She had thought that they could be friends while she figured out what she wanted to do, but when they were together, she couldn't stop thinking about Kissing him or running her hands through his hair. It was very distracting. When he was talking she couldn't help staring at his lower lip and imagining what it would be like to run her tongue over it or tug at it gently with her teeth.  
  
Spike was having the same problem. All he wanted to do was pull her into his arms and kiss her until she was breathless. He tried hard to restrain himself as he wanted her to know that he respected her. He also wanted her to respect him in return.  
  
She still hadn't told him about their daughter. She was worried about how he would react. Spike loved the baby anyway. When he was waiting for Buffy to get ready for patrol he would pick her up and talk or sing to her, the baby really loved him and gurgled away happily when he spent time with her.  
  
Buffy couldn't help but wonder if it was better for him not to know. He might feel committed to always be around for her and the baby and she didn't want to smother him, not when things were going so well.  
  
It was Saturday night and Buffy and Spike were patrolling Restfield cemetery. They had run into a group of Vamps and quickly slayed them. They were finishing up their patrol by walking slowly around the perimeter of the cemetery.  
  
They would usually be having an amorous conversation, but tonight Spike had found that his every attempt at talking to Buffy had been thwarted by her making a nonchalant comment. He also caught her glancing at him when she thought that he wasn't looking.  
  
"What's wrong, Buffy?" he asked her after she yet again ruined his try at conversation.  
  
Buffy had felt nervous around him the whole night, though she didn't quite know why. She wanted to yell at him for making her feel this way about him. She also wanted to spill her heart out to him, tell him about their daughter, tell him that she wanted more than friendship from him, but she didn't know where to start. It was making her frustrated and cranky.  
  
"Wrong?" she asked him, trying to pretend that everything was fine and that being near him didn't affect her so much. "Nothing's wrong, why? Does it seem like there's something wrong to you?" She mentally cursed herself for babbling. She always babbled when she was nervous or lying and he knew her too well not to have noticed that fact.  
  
"Hmm... really? There's nothing wrong? You seem kind of jumpy and... Nervous. Is there something you want to talk about?" he raised an eyebrow as he regarded her.  
  
"Nervous?" she squeaked, then cleared her throat. "Nope! Not nervous! And there's nothing I want to talk aboutistheresomethingyouwanttotalkabout?"  
  
He stepped in front of her, preventing her from walking any further and grasped her upper arms. "Buffy. I know something's up with you, you've been acting weird all night." He stared into her eyes. "Now! Are you absolutely certain that there's nothing you want to talk about?"  
  
She looked back at him and knew that she should probably make up some lie to stop him asking questions, but she didn't have the energy. There were too many things she had lied to him about in the past. Now was the time to be honest.  
  
She took a deep breath. "Spike... Um... I want you and I to go out tomorrow."  
  
"We go out every night," he said, confused.  
  
"I don't mean patrolling." she said in irritation. "I just want to spend some time with you that doesn't have anything to do with Vampires or Demons or anything ooky."  
  
"You mean like a date?" he smirked down at her.  
  
She blushed at him "No! Not a date," she informed him quickly. "Actually yes! I want you to take me out on a date. I want to have fun for once, not worrying about Dawn or the baby or the end of the world. I want you take take me out, and dance with me and kiss me goodnight and tell me that I'm still the most beautiful thing in the world to you, and I want you to mean it! And I want to know how you feel about me!" she abruptly finished her tirade and stared at the grassy ground.  
  
Spike stood there staring at her with his mouth wide open, his hands still holding her arms. "Erm..." he cleared his throat and almost forgot how to speak for a moment. "A... And what is it exactly that you feel about me?"  
  
She was still staring at the ground. "I don't know," she mumbled as she lost her courage. She wanted to be anywhere than where she was at that moment. She hadn't meant to blurt out all of what she'd said and she feared his reaction.  
  
"Oh come on! Don't give me that crap Buffy! After what you just said, I'm sure you have at least a basic idea," he said angrily.  
  
"Ugh! Why do you have to be such a big jerk!? You want to know what I feel for you then fine!" she shouted back.  
  
"Go ahead Luv! The floor's yours."  
  
"Ok Fine! Here it goes then! I hate that you can annoy me so much! I hate that being near you affects me so much! I hate that every time I'm with you all I can think about is kissing you, but most of all I hate that it hurts so much when you're not by my side!" she stopped, let out a strangled sob, turned and ran away from him.  
  
He watched her leave. He didn't follow.  
  
Buffy had felt terribly unsettled all day. She just couldn't make herself sit still. She kept replaying the events of the night before in her mind. She tried to distract herself by doing chores: feeding the baby, washing the baby, changing the baby, comforting the baby. She did them half- heartedly with her mind elsewhere.  
  
She was exhausted. She hadn't been able to sleep properly for a long time, as the baby kept waking her up. She couldn't relax no matter how hard she tried. Her tiredness and tumultuous emotions got too much for her and she burst into tears and sank to the floor in the middle of the living room. She buried her face in her hands and just let the tears flow freely.  
  
The baby started crying upstairs and Buffy snapped. It was all just too much for her to take. She stormed up the stairs and stomped into the baby's room and shouted.  
  
"Don't you ever stop?!? Just shut up! I hate this! I hate this life!"  
  
Then she looked down at her little daughter. Her small face was red from screaming, and wet from her tears. She waved her little arms around angrily and reached out for Buffy, wanting to be picked up.  
  
Buffy's expression changed and the reality of her situation seemed to suddenly become clear to her. She had a beautiful daughter who needed her. If that was the only reason she had to live, then so be it, but she knew that she would do any thing for this child, anything to protect her and see that she grew up to be healthy and happy.  
  
She picked up her baby and regarded her with awe. She was so perfect. Buffy felt a motherly pride overcome her as she cuddled the baby. This was her child. Hers. She couldn't believe that she had created something so wonderful. At that moment she felt so much love for her daughter that she was once again overwhelmed. Silent tears slid down her cheeks and she sat down in the rocking chair that Xander had built her for the nursery.  
  
The baby had that wonderful baby smell that all babies have and Buffy inhaled the scent as she held her. The baby quieted and started to drift back to sleep in her mothers' arms. Soon after, Buffy was asleep too. Spike had gone to the Summers household to talk to Buffy and make things right again. He was glad that he now knew she had strong feelings for him and wanted to be with him. He just needed to convince her to give their relationship a chance.  
  
He opened the door with the key that Buffy had made for him, in case the baby was asleep when he stopped by, so the doorbell didn't wake her.  
  
He didn't see any sign of her downstairs so he went upstairs. He found her and the baby asleep in the rocking chair. He looked at her a little sadly. He had always secretly wished that Buffy and he would have children one day. He knew he was being silly because vampires couldn't have children, but he also knew that she would have been the most perfect mother.  
  
She didn't look very comfortable, sitting in the hard wooden chair. He hated to wake her because he knew that she had been kept up at night by the baby and hadn't been sleeping well.  
  
He lifted the baby gently out of her arms, placed her in her cot, tucked her in and kissed her goodnight. Then he lifted Buffy up gently, went into her room, he took off her shoes and socks, placed her on the bed, tucked her in and kissed her goodnight too.  
  
"I don't know why you help with the baby so much, Kitten." he whispered to her, knowing that she couldn't hear him. "It was Dawn's mistake, so it should be Dawn's responsibility."  
  
Buffy moved in her sleep and reached out for something that wasn't there. "Want my baby," she mumbled, still asleep.  
  
"See what I mean? Buffy, Luv, you don't have a baby. Dawn does."  
  
"My baby."  
  
Spike was confused. Why would she dream that the baby was hers? "Why do you think the baby is yours, Sweetheart?" he asked cautiously.  
  
"My daughter. Mine. Love her, part of me."  
  
Spike's eyes widened and he swallowed hard. Did that mean that the baby was somehow his? She couldn't be telling the truth. Unless she had lied to him before. but why? Unless it was because she wasn't his, but she still wanted him around. He was confusing himself with too much speculation, so he tried to narrow it down a bit.  
  
"Is her daddy around, Luv?"  
  
"Mmm."  
  
"She's not. Xander's, is she?"  
  
Buffy let out a little snort. "No... Xander is Anya's."  
  
Spike was relieved that the baby wasn't Xanders. He was a bit of an idiot. That had got to be the worst case scenario. He nervously cleared his throat. "Kitten? Is she mine?"  
  
Buffy didn't answer at first and he was afraid that she had fallen into a deeper sleep and wouldn't answer him, but then she let out a sigh and gave him her answer.  
  
"No! Silly"  
  
Spike felt crushed, he knew that he shouldn't have got his hopes up. He had almost let himself start to believe that he was a father, and he'd felt so happy. That moment had passed. He felt sudden anger at Buffy. She must have got over him pretty quickly, if he worked out the dates from the baby's age correctly.  
  
Or it could be worse, she could have been cheating on him when they were together.  
  
"She's not yours," Buffy mumbled again as she rolled over onto her side.  
  
"Got that part Slayer!" he gritted out angrily.  
  
"Not yours... yours... she's Spike's... she has his eyes... so blue..."  
  
Spike almost choked when he heard what she said.  
  
I have a daughter.  
  
He was in complete shock and had no idea what to do. Then he just burst into tears.  
  
Buffy awoke with a start. "Spike? What are you doing here? What's wrong?" She immediately pulled him into her arms and held him tightly without a second thought. All she knew was that he was in pain and that she needed to comfort him.  
  
"Why didn't you tell me Buffy?" he sobbed out.  
  
Oh God, he can't know - can he? How can he know? "What do you mean?" she asked cautiously.  
  
"She's our daughter!?" he questioned.  
  
Oh crap! He knows. "Yes," she said quietly, he had to strain his ears to hear her.  
  
"She's yours, ours." She released him from her embrace and looked at the floor guiltily.  
  
"So why didn't you tell me? God, Buffy! If I had known, I would never have left! Never! I would have stayed by your side throughout the whole thing." He grabbed her chin and forced her to look at him.  
  
"I didn't know Spike! I didn't know I was pregnant until it was too late and you had already gone," she said with despair.  
  
"Oh Sweetheart! I'm so sorry!" He pulled her into his arms. "I can't think what you had to go through... and all alone too."  
  
Buffy let her tears fall and she let herself be comforted by him. "Spike, it's all so hard!" she sniffed. "Looking after our daughter and Dawn and Slaying, it's all too much!"  
  
"Hey! Shh shh. Calm down Kitten, I'll help you in any way I can," he told her sincerely.  
  
"Aren't you mad at me for lying to you?" she asked, a little fearfully.  
  
"No Baby! I should be on my knees, begging yet again for forgiveness. You have no idea how sorry I am. I couldn't be there with you when you found out the happy news. I wasn't there to hold your hand when you went into labour, I missed it all." he said sadly.  
  
"You're going to stay around aren't you? You're not going to leave? I didn't think you wanted children," she said, still with fear in her voice.  
  
"Kitten, I said I never wanted children because I thought that it wasn't possible. But now I have a little girl... I've never felt happier," he informed her with tears of happiness in his eyes.  
  
"Oh Spike!" she impulsively kissed him softly on the lips. He shifted her in his arms so that he could gain better access to her mouth, moaned and deepened the kiss.  
  
When they broke apart, Spike looked at her with pure joy in his eyes. "Can I go get her? Huh huh? can I?" he asked excitedly, acting like a little kid wanting to open his presents on Christmas day.  
  
"You don't have to ask my permission. She's yours too, you know?" She smiled at him, ecstatic that she had been able to make him so happy.  
  
Spike all but scampered off to get his daughter. He came back a moment later cradling her in his arms carefully. He sat back down on the edge of the bed. Buffy crawled over to him and wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed her body along his back. Spike sat very still, looking at his daughter as if seeing her for the first time.  
  
"She's so beautiful and perfect," he whispered with awe. "I can't believe that our love made her." Then he looked at Buffy over his shoulder. "Uh! I mean, our caring for each other," he said, a little bitterly.  
  
Looking at him now, Buffy felt as if a fog had been lifted. She knew now what she wanted, and that was him by her side forever, being there for her and their daughter.  
  
"Thank you Kitten," he told her emotionally. "She's the best gift that anyone could ever give to me."  
  
She began to nibble at his ear. "Stay here-" "-with me-" "-and our daughter- " "-tonight." she said in between little licks and nibbles.  
  
"Are you sure Luv?" he asked, slightly confused.  
  
"You belong with me Spike," she told him lustfully, "with our daughter, in my house, in my bed and..." she paused and looked deeply into his eyes, "and in my heart."  
  
He looked at her with surprise. "Buffy, what?"  
  
She took a deep breath. "You are a wonderful man, I know you'll be a wonderful father and... I'm in love with you."  
  
"What...?' he stared at her, confused.  
  
"I love you, Spike," she repeated.  
  
It was becoming all too much for him to handle. The love of his life had just told him that he was a father and now she just told him that she loved him. 'I must be dreaming.' He pinched his arm. 'Nope I'm awake!' he said to himself. His heart soared with joy and he thought he would burst with this overwhelming happiness. 


	6. Chapter 6

He looked into her eyes seriously and swallowed hard. "Kitten? You know there's no going back now, right?"  
  
"I know," she said softly.  
  
"That's good because if you were to..."  
  
She silenced him with a finger to his lips.  
  
"Shh... Spike... I want you... Now!" she whispered seductively.  
  
"Buffy could we?... Um... Can I just hold you tonight?" he looked at her seriously.  
  
"Of course, there's always time for... the other thing later," She told him, a little confused. Doesn't he want me?  
  
As if reading her thoughts he replied "It's not that I don't want to Luv, because God! I sure as hell do! It's just... I want to hold you and the baby. I want us all to be together tonight... I want to be with my family," he told her sincerely.  
  
She leaned over to him again and brushed her lips against his in a chaste kiss. He lay down and pulled her into his arms with their daughter nestled comfortably between them. Spike trailed his fingers up and down Buffy's arm and she idly drew patterns on his chest through the fabric of his shirt.  
  
"Don't you want to take off your shirt and get more comfortable?" she asked.  
  
He reluctantly broke the contact with her and the baby, while he pulled his black t-shirt over his head. He lay back down and snuggled back into Buffy's arms. He kissed his daughter on the forehead gently.  
  
"I love you so much," he told her. "You're the most precious thing in the world to me."  
  
"Hey! What about me?" Buffy teased him.  
  
"Oh you too Kitten!" he kissed her on the top of the head as well. "I love you, Buffy."  
  
"I love you too Spike."  
  
He didn't think that he'd ever get tired of hearing her say that. He held his girls tightly and watched over them as they slept. He was woken up at seven am by his daughter screaming at the top of her lungs. He had only managed to get two hours sleep.  
  
"Bloody..." he muttered.  
  
He promptly received a sharp smack on the head from Buffy.  
  
"No swearing in front of your daughter!"  
  
Spike awoke fully with a jolt and looked happily at Buffy and his baby.  
  
"My daughter? It wasn't a dream?" he asked with joy.  
  
Buffy laughed "No Spike, it wasn't a dream."  
  
He sat up and pulled Buffy, who was now feeding the baby, onto his lap. He watched with wonder.  
  
"Does it hurt?" he asked curiously.  
  
"What? Oh. Not much, sometimes," she said, concentrating on the baby.  
  
She finished feeding.  
  
"So what are we going to name her? I didn't want to pick a name without you, in case you didn't like it," she told him.  
  
"Thanks Kitten, but I'm sure I would've liked whatever you picked out."  
  
"Yeah, but now we can pick it out together."  
  
He smiled. "Ok Luv! Let's pick a name," he said happily.  
  
He lay back, so he was half lying down, propped up by the pillow. He moved Buffy next to him and placed the baby on his chest. She waved her arms about excitedly.  
  
"How about Doris?" he said teasingly.  
  
"Ugh! What an ugly name!" Buffy said. "Does she look like a Doris to you?"  
  
"Not really Kitten, but you don't really look like a Buffy..." He moved quickly to avoid another smack to his head.  
  
"OK Spike, be serious now."  
  
"Alright. Um... Let's see... er... Jess?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Emily?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Sasha?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Rebecca?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Joanna?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Kerry?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Lucy?"  
  
"Ick! No!"  
  
"Ok Luv I was joking with that last one... How about Anne? It's your middle name and my mum's name."  
  
"Anne... I like it!" she said thoughtfully. "She looks like an Anne."  
  
They both looked at Anne who was wriggling around happily whilst lying on her daddy's chest.  
  
"That she does, Kitten."  
  
Spike lounged on the bed watching Buffy get dressed.  
  
"What you doing today, Kitten?" he asked, not really wanting her to go anywhere without him.  
  
"I need to go shopping to get Anne some new clothes," she said.  
  
"Oh," he said, a little disappointed that they couldn't spend the day together.  
  
"Is something wrong?" she asked, sitting down next to him on her bed.  
  
"No Pet... It's just... I want to go with you, but I can't. I can't take Anne to the beach, or go with her on her first day of school or follow her on her first date... If it's during the day anyway, which it will be because she'll have to be home by five... I can't do anything," he said sadly.  
  
"Honey! That's not true. You'll be able to do the things that matter to her the most." She stroked his hair softly.  
  
"I just want to be with you both." He buried his face in her neck and cuddled into her side.  
  
After a while, she reluctantly stood up and finished getting dressed, and went into the bathroom leaving Spike to dress Anne. He dressed her in a lilac babygro and put little baby socks and trainers on her feet. When he was finished he felt quite proud of himself.  
  
"There you are baby! Daddy dressed you."  
  
She put her fingers into her mouth and sucked them.  
  
"Now let's go see what's taking Mummy so long."  
  
He carried her into the bathroom where Buffy was just finishing applying her mascara.  
  
"Come on Pet! We thought you'd fallen down the loo or something" he came up behind her, wrapping his free arm round her waist.  
  
She jumped, having not been able to see him in the mirror "Spike! Don't do that! You made me smudge my mascara!"  
  
"Sorry Luv," he apologised. "Look what I did!" he held up his daughter proudly.  
  
"Er... Yes Spike. I guess you did make her..." she said, confused.  
  
"I dressed her, you silly bint!" he laughed.  
  
"Oh! Congratulations," she smiled at him and gave Anne a once-over. "A good job you did too! Except... you put her shoes on the wrong feet."  
  
"Oh! Bloody hell! Give a bloke a chance would you? I've only been a dad for a day!" he exclaimed in frustration.  
  
Buffy covered her mouth with her hand and tried not to laugh. "Aw! Sweetie, you'll get the hang of it."  
  
"I'm left handed," he defended himself. "I got confused!"  
  
"Hmm... I think all that bleach has gone to your head," she gave him a wink. "Buffy, I was thinking."  
  
"That's never good!" she teased.  
  
"Ha bloody ha! No I was thinking that Dawn might feel out of the loop when she finds out that we're back together and have named the baby."  
  
"Yeah. What do you suggest we do?" Buffy asked worriedly.  
  
"Well... Why don't we let her pick Anne's middle name?"  
  
"That's a great idea! good thinking!"  
  
"You don't only love me for my great body," he smirked at her.  
  
"Full of yourself much?" That evening, Buffy carried Anne and her purchases into the house, kissed Spike, who was engrossed in the TV, on the top of his head, took Anne upstairs for a nap and put away her new things.  
  
"Buffy! I'm home!" Dawn called from downstairs.  
  
Buffy went downstairs to greet her sister. "Hey Dawnie! How was the sleepover?" she asked cheerfully.  
  
"Woah! What have you done with my sister? She's usually so miserable," Dawn teased.  
  
"Dawnie, there's a lot I have to tell you..." Buffy started.  
  
Passions finished and Spike walked into the kitchen.  
  
"Hello all."  
  
"Spike!" Dawn exclaimed and went to hug him. "What are you doing here?"  
  
"Well... You see... he sort of lives here now, so he can be with his family," Buffy explained hurriedly, looking at her sister to gauge her reaction.  
  
"Really? Does that mean you told him about...?"  
  
Buffy nodded happily. "I told him that the baby is his, ours."  
  
"And you guys worked things out? You're back together?" Dawn asked excitedly.  
  
"Yes Nibblet," Spike said, pleased that she was happy about this.  
  
Dawn squealed. "Oh my god! This is so cool! I love you guys." She wrapped them both in a big hug. "This means we can all sit down and pick a name for the baby!"  
  
"Well... actually Dawn, we already picked a name for her," Buffy said.  
  
"Oh... OK. What did you pick?" Dawn asked, sounding disappointed.  
  
"We named her Anne, after my mum and it's Buffy's middle name, so we thought it'd fit," Spike told her.  
  
"Anne...I like it." Dawn was upset that they hadn't waited for her to choose a name for the baby. "What's her middle name?" she inquired.  
  
"Well, as you didn't get a chance to help us pick out the first name, we decided that you could choose the middle name," Buffy smiled, knowing that her sister would be thrilled at this suggestion.  
  
She didn't disappoint.  
  
Dawn squealed again "Really! Yay! Yut give me some time to think about it, I want to pick the perfect name. It needs to suit her."  
  
"Ok Sweetie. Do you guys want to order pizza and watch a movie tonight like we used to?" Buffy asked.  
  
"Sounds fun." Dawn agreed. "Let me just dump my stuff upstairs first." 


	7. Chapter 7

Spike opened the front door slowly and crept into the house he shut the door as quietly as he could. He needed to sneak back into bed before Buffy woke up and realised he was gone.  
  
He had crept up the first couple of stairs, when the light flicked on.  
  
"William James Sullivan!"  
  
He froze. Bollocks!  
  
He turned around to face an angry Buffy with a nervous smile on his face.  
  
"Hello Luv! What are you doing up this late?" he asked cheerfully.  
  
"I was just about to ask you the same thing," she said frostily.  
  
"Erm... You see Luv..." he began to explain.  
  
"Wait! Before we do this, can you put Anne to bed? It's way too late for her to be up."  
  
"That's not funny, Kitten." He glared at her.  
  
"What? What's not funny?" she asked, confused.  
  
"Buffy Luv! Tell me you're joking." His face turned white with fear.  
  
"Spike?" She was getting extremely worried now. "Where's Anne?"  
  
"I didn't take her with me!" he said, panicking.  
  
"Spike! She's not in her room! I thought you'd taken her with you."  
  
He dashed up the stairs, hoping to find her sleeping peacefully in her bed.  
  
He found no sign of her.  
  
"DAWN!" he bellowed and dashed into her room  
  
A sleeping Dawn awoke with a jolt fell out of bed onto the floor.  
  
"Ow! What?"  
  
"Where's Anne?" he asked frantically. "Tell me you know where she is!"  
  
"No I don't. She's missing? Oh God!" She became instantly alert and tore downstairs.  
  
Buffy had sunk bonelessly to the floor, her body wracked with sobs.  
  
Spike followed Dawn downstairs and went to Buffy, who was being comforted by her sister, and pulled her into his arms.  
  
"It's alright Kitten, she'll be fine!"  
  
"Spike. Someone took my baby!" she sobbed. "She's so tiny and defenceless, she can't take care of herself!"  
  
"We'll find her. I'll bring her back to you. I promise!" Spike said, voice thick with emotion. He kissed her on the forehead.  
  
"I'll bring her back!" he stared into her eyes.  
  
He stormed out of his house, vowing that anyone who had so much as touched his daughter without his permission, would die an extremely long, painful death. Spike re-entered the house close to dawn.  
  
Buffy jumped up and looked at him expectantly. Spike wouldn't meet her eyes, he just shook his head sadly.  
  
She ran into his arms, and buried her face into his chest. He stroked her hair soothingly.  
  
"I'm sorry Kitten. I looked everywhere." His voice broke with emotion.  
  
Buffy sobbed silently into his t-shirt.  
  
"I'm not giving up, Baby. I will not rest until I've found her."  
  
"I believe you Spike," she sniffed  
  
"Were you able to get any rest at all?"  
  
"No. I can't, not until I know that she's safe."  
  
"I'm going to go up to her room, see if I can find any clues as to who did this."  
  
"I've already searched it twice," she cried in desperation.  
  
He still searched the room from top to bottom, but he too found nothing.  
  
Buffy eventually followed him upstairs to see how he was doing.  
  
"Spike?"  
  
"Luv... has Angel been here recently?" He queried.  
  
He sniffed the air and wrinkled his nose.  
  
"No. He came to visit this summer. The last thing he said to me was: 'I'm going to kill Spike for doing this to you.' I was 8 months pregnant then," she said unemotionally.  
  
"No Luv, he's been here much more recently than that. Maybe in the last day or so."  
  
"But why would he?"  
  
"I don't know Luv. He's definitely been here. I'd recognise that smell anywhere."  
  
"That smell? Angel has a smell?"  
  
"Yeah Luv, it's like expensive aftershave and mould. How can you not notice it when you're around him?"  
  
"Now that you mention it...Wait! We're not discussing his smell. Let's hope he knows something about Anne."  
  
Spike didn't suggest to her that it was possible that Angel had taken Anne himself.  
  
"I think he'd be too clever to stick around here," he said.  
  
"Maybe the reason why you couldn't find a trace of her in Sunnydale, is because she's no longer in Sunnydale," Buffy said thoughtfully.  
  
"Luv, pack a bag! We're going to LA." "Why are you doing this to me? Please let me go!" the young woman begged.  
  
The monster made no reply. The baby started screaming again.  
  
"At least untie my hands so I can see to the baby."  
  
The woman was terrified. More scared than she had been in her whole life.  
  
She had seen what he had done to his last victim. He had raped and tortured her for his own sadistic enjoyment. With a twisted smile on his face. She didn't think that she would ever be able to get the poor girl's screams out of her head.  
  
Then he had devoured the body, bit by bit, piece by piece, finger by finger.  
  
She had been unable to make herself look away and had witnessed the whole thing. Her clothes were ragged and bloody from the gore of his victim (he was a messy eater). She obviously hadn't been his first either. There were blood stains and strips of gore-soaked material strewn haphazardly round the confined room.  
  
The monster made no reply.  
  
"Please! I'll bargain with you. I'll give you whatever you want."  
  
There was no response and she knew that he was completely out of his mind. There was no way that she was even getting through to him.  
  
He untied the girl's hands from the thick stone piping and carried the baby over to her. He then stomped back up the stairs and locked and bolted the heavy iron door.  
  
The woman did her best to comfort the distraught infant, but needed much comfort herself.  
  
She decided that the baby was hungry and cold. There was no food anywhere in the room so she just settled with curling her body round the baby and trying to give her as much body heat as possible.  
  
She hunched in a foetal position on the floor. She sobbed and prayed for a miracle. The two parents entered the Hyperion Hotel.  
  
"Hmmph! That's ironic," Spike snorted.  
  
"What?" Buffy asked, confused.  
  
"A vampire living in a hotel named after the Greek god of the sun. I bet Peaches didn't even know that."  
  
"Spike, please could you stop your comments. I just can't handle it today," she said, frustrated.  
  
"I'm sorry Luv," he reached down for her hand and entwined their fingers together.  
  
"Buffy?" a voice asked with surprise from behind them.  
  
"Angel?" she spun round, dropped Spike's hand and rushed over to him. She threw her arms around his neck.  
  
"Hey now! What's wrong?" he asked with concern as he hugged her back.  
  
Spike looked away, trying to contain his jealousy.  
  
"Angel! Someone's Kidnapped my daughter!" she cried. She pulled back and looked up at him "And what were you doing in Sunnydale?"  
  
"I wasn't in Sunnydale," Angel said with confusion. "Whatever gave you that impression?"  
  
"Spike said he could smell that you'd been to our house, in the last day or so."  
  
"Spike?"  
  
"Ahem!" Spike cleared his throat, announcing his presence to the older vampire.  
  
Angel barely gave Spike a second glance. "I'm afraid he must've been mistaken."  
  
"Bollocks! There is no way! I can recognise your smell anywhere, Angelus," Spike retorted.  
  
Angel gritted his teeth. "You still haven't learned to respect your elders Childe," he spat.  
  
Spike glared angrily back.  
  
"Stoppit! Both of you! Can you put your differences aside and focus on finding Anne?" Buffy cried angrily.  
  
"Who's Anne?" Angel asked sheepishly.  
  
"My daughter," Spike growled, but bated him no longer.  
  
"So why do you think she was taken here?" Angel questioned.  
  
"Well, Spike looked all over Sunnydale and found nothing, then he found your scent, so we figured we'd come and find out what you were doing there and see if you knew anything about what happened to her," Buffy informed him.  
  
Angel could see that she was very upset. He didn't like the way Spike had wrapped his arm around her and was whispering comforting things (which his vampiric hearing could pick up) in her ear.  
  
He growled low in his throat, Spike was the only one who could hear it and glared up at him defiantly.  
  
"I'm sorry, but Spike must've been mistaken. I haven't been in Sunnydale since the summer. It's a good idea to ask around LA though, news travels fast here," Angel said regretfully.  
  
Buffy looked up at him with despair.  
  
"Oh. Right. Ok." She fidgeted in frustation.  
  
"I could put you and Spike up for the night, you could continue your search tomorrow."  
  
"Ok. That's kind of you. I'm really tired," she yawned.  
  
"Will you be wanting separate rooms?" Angel asked, afraid of the answer he knew she was going to give him.  
  
"What? No. It'll be just the one room thanks," she said, embarrassed. She felt weird telling her ex that she was sleeping with another man.  
  
Angel clenched his jaw. "Right. Of course. Follow me." 


	8. The Final Chapter

Spike glanced at Buffy who was sleeping soundly beside him. She had been so exhausted that he had commanded her to go to sleep. She had protested at first, telling him that she didn't want to sleep until they'd found Anne. He'd told her that she would be no use in finding Anne if she was too exhausted to think straight.  
  
Then he had dumped her in bed, removed all her clothes and tucked her in. He lay down next to her, curling his body round her side protectively.  
  
He himself hadn't been able to sleep. Anne meant the world to him and he wasn't going to just wait around. He was sure that Angel knew more than he was letting on.  
  
Making sure that Buffy was indeed fast asleep, he climbed carefully out of the bed and got dressed.  
  
He glanced back at Buffy, went back to her and brushed a light kiss over her lips.  
  
"I love you" he whispered.  
  
Then he left their room to explore the hotel.  
  
After searching for a couple of hours, Spike approached a staircase which led to the basement. He detected the smell of blood in the air.  
  
'This must be where Angel stores his blood,' he thought. His stomach rumbled loudly. How long had it been since he'd eaten?  
  
He whistled as he went down the stairs, in search of a midnight snack.  
  
Spike came to a locked and bolted heavy iron door. 'Key key where's the key?' he sing-songed in his head. Angel really didn't like to share with others, keeping his food locked away with this much security.  
  
"Spike? What are you doing up?"  
  
"Gaaah!" He whirled around. "Give a bloke a warning before you do that!"  
  
"Sorry," Angel apologised.  
  
"Don't suppose you'd have the key would ya?"  
  
"Key? No. I don't think I've ever been down here," Angel said, unemotionally.  
  
Spike raised an eyebrow: Angel was acting rather strangely.  
  
"Well in that case, let's open her up," he rubbed his hands together and grinned. "I'll go on the left, you go on the right. I'm sure two master vampires can shoulder this thing open."  
  
He and Angel worked together to shoulder open the door. It completely flew off its hinges with their combined vampire strength.  
  
Spike blinked, trying to get his eyes accustomed to the gloom. He got fed up waiting and vamped out.  
  
His demonic golden eyes looked clearly into the dank basement. He didn't notice anything at first, until his eyes settled on a large pile of rags in the corner of the room. A pile of rags that was moving.  
  
"Angel, someone's down he..." he managed to get out before he felt a sharp pain at the back of his head and everything went black.  
  
When he came to, he found himself chained to a pipe. He gave his bindings an experimental tug to test their strength, to his dismay he realised that he wouldn't be able to break free.  
  
He felt a hand at the back of his head and winced when it prodded he sore spot on his head.  
  
"Watch it would ya!" he grumbled and opened his eyes.  
  
"Sor-ry, just trying to help you know! Next time I won't bother."  
  
He turned and faced his fellow captive. He had to do a double take, as he didn't recognise her at first.  
  
"Cordelia?" he said incredulously.  
  
Her clothes were torn and her hair matted. She was covered in dirt, face grubby but clear in streaks that her tears had left behind. Spike could clearly see her ribs through a rather large hole in her shirt. There was no telling how long she'd been there. Though he was sure it had been quite a while.  
  
"The one and only." She managed to give him a weak smile.  
  
"Whats going on?" he whispered.  
  
"Angel's gone mad. One minute he's fine, but the next..." She drew in a deep breath. "And you don't have to whisper. He won't be back for a while," she told him shakily.  
  
"Jesus! The eternal torment, demon constantly fighting against his humanity. The things Angelus did years ago, let's just say that I'm a cuddly bunny compared to him. It must have been tearing him apart for too long."  
  
She crawled round to sit in front of him so that he could see her better, given his restrictive confinement, he couldn't move as much as her.  
  
That was when he noticed the sleeping bundle she carried in her arms.  
  
"Anne!"  
  
Cordelia was about to protest when he reached out and took the baby from her, but she could soon tell that he wasn't going to do anything to harm her.  
  
Cuddling her tiny form to his chest, he carefully checked her over for any injuries.  
  
"I swear, if that bastard has hurt her in any way, he's going to wish he's dead!"  
  
Satisfied that his daughter was in one piece, though slightly grubby, he tucked her in the crook of his arm and wrapped the edge of his duster around her.  
  
Cordelia had watched in awe at the tender, gentle way that Spike cared for the baby. It was a strong contrast to the last time she had seen him. Torturing Angel for the Gem of Amara.  
  
Spike looked up at Cordelia and was about to inquire as to what she was staring at, when she fell backwards clutching her head in pain.  
  
"Cordelia!" he cried worriedly. Spike couldn't do anything but watch helplessly as she writhed around on the floor in agony.  
  
She was in the midst of a vision. Different images flooded through her brain.  
  
She sat up gasping, got herself under control and looked up into his eyes "You... you got your soul back?" she asked in shock.  
  
Spike narrowed his eyes in suspicion.  
  
"How did you know that?"  
  
"I get visions, from the Powers That Be, it's my gift. Shame they didn't warn me about this though," she gave him a sad smile. "A soul? Why?" she prodded gently.  
  
"Because I love her," he said simply.  
  
"I saw what happened, and I saw your vow to change for her. What you did took a lot of courage," she told him.  
  
"I'd do anything for her."  
  
"I know."  
  
"Is that right?"  
  
"Spike, how do you know the baby?" she asked curiously.  
  
Spike glanced down at his still sleeping daughter with pride. "She's my little girl."  
  
"Yours? Your daughter?" Cordelia asked, wide eyed.  
  
"Yup, mine and Buffy's."  
  
"Yours and Buffy's?" she echoed. "But. how? I didn't think it was possible for vampires to have children."  
  
"She's our miracle. She was kidnapped, Buffy and I came here after finding no trace of her in Sunnyhell. I went looking for food, got knocked out, The End."  
  
"Buffy? Buffy's here? Where?"  
  
"She's in bed, sleeping. She was so tired."  
  
"She'll come looking for you though? Right?"  
  
"Yeah. but how will she know to look down here?" he asked.  
  
Cordelia thought for a moment. "I think I have a plan," she smiled. Buffy awoke early the next morning. She reached out for Spike but discovered that he was missing. The next thing she noticed was how hot it was.  
  
Angel must not realise how high he's got the heat on, she thought.  
  
She decided to wait for Spike or Angel to wake up. She sat on the couch near the front desk of the hotel and absently flipped through a magazine.  
  
Ten minutes later she took off her jacket. The heat was increasing by the minute.  
  
Back in the basement, Cordelia was getting more and more light-headed. She felt like she was an ice lolly in a microwave. She had turned the thermostat up to its highest level.  
  
Turning to Spike she asked, "Are you sure this plan will work?"  
  
"Should do, pet. Angel won't notice the heat 'cos it doesn't affect us vampires. Buffy should come straight down here to figure out how to turn it down. Besides, it was your plan."  
  
"It's alright for you," she grumbled.  
  
Anne had woken up and was fussing, making Spike more and more frustrated. He held her close to his cool body so that she wouldn't be so hot.  
  
"Do you have another suggestion?" he snapped.  
  
"I think..." Cordelia started.  
  
"Shhh, I think I hear something," he interrupted.  
  
He could hear approaching footsteps, but he wasn't sure if it was Angel or Buffy.  
  
Then he heard someone whistling 'Wind beneath my wings' and knew it was her.  
  
"BUFFY!" He shouted at the top of his lungs, causing Anne to let out a squark of protest. "BUFFY!" he tried again, this time covering his daughter's ears.  
  
Then Cordelia joined in too. They shouted for about a minute until a loud banging was heard at the blocked doorway.  
  
"BUFFY!" Cordy shouted.  
  
"You can stop now pet, she's coming."  
  
"Spike?" came a muffled shout.  
  
"Love I'm stuck in here," he called back  
  
"OK! Hang on, I'll get you out."  
  
Two really loud bangs were heard.  
  
"That poor door," Cordelia said.  
  
"Shut up! You stupid bint," Spike told her.  
  
She was about to argue back when the door burst off its hinges for the second time.  
  
Buffy rushed into the room. "Spike are you OK? Cordelia, what happened to you?" Her brow creased with worry.  
  
"Hey Luv, look who I found." Spike took Anne out from the folds of his duster.  
  
"Anne!" Buffy let out a cry of joy and took her daughter into her arms.  
  
She held her for a few minutes, just happy and so relieved to have her baby back in one piece, while Spike filled her in on how they'd gotten into the basement. She didn't question Spike's story and just looked grim when he told her about how Angel had lost his mind.  
  
"Buffy, don't mean to interrupt, but could you get us the hell out of these chains?" Cordelia complained.  
  
"Right! Of course!" She handed Anne back to Spike and snapped the chain tying Cordelia to the pole in half.  
  
"Wow! She's way stronger than you," she told Spike.  
  
He just raised an eyebrow at her.  
  
Buffy was struggling with Spike's chains.  
  
"This one is made of stronger stuff," she complained. "I think I'm gonna have to look for something to break it with. I think I saw a saw in the other room, I'll be right back."  
  
She got up and left the room. In her haste she didn't notice Angel standing in the doorway.  
  
"Hello Lover," he said before he picked her up and threw her back into the room. She hit the wall hard and slumped to the floor. She didn't get back up.  
  
Spike could only look on in horror.  
  
He handed Anne to Cordelia. "Get her out of here when you get the chance," he instructed.  
  
He looked over at Buffy's still form and felt a burning rage go through him. He let out an inhuman roar and with a sudden burst of strength managed to snap his bindings.  
  
He lunged at Angel who ducked the blow and kicked Spike in the stomach.  
  
"Oof! You hurt her. I'll kill you for that."  
  
Spike unleashed all of his anger on Angel. They fought with fist and fangs. They were both evenly matched in strength, but Spike had a wilder, more emotional fighting technique that let him get the upper hand. Spike kicked Angel in the crotch and Angel collapsed to the floor in agony.  
  
Spike stared down at Angel with pity and disgust.  
  
"What am I going to do about you then, mate? I don't think I can let you go this time."  
  
"Spike! Go to hell!" Angel glared back, eyes flashing with madness. "You won't kill me!"  
  
Angel gasped and turned round in disbelief before he crumbled to dust.  
  
"He won't. But I will." Cordelia stood weilding a sharp stake, and still holding Anne carefully.  
  
She turned to Spike who had crawled over to Buffy. She opened her mouth to say something, then decided that it was best to leave them alone.  
  
Buffy lay on her stomach on the floor, unconscious.  
  
Spike cradled her head in his lap and stroked her hair.  
  
"Buffy... Buffy wake up," Spike whispered gently.  
  
"Spike?" she murmured, her eyes fluttering open.  
  
"It's alright Luv. Angel's gone, it's all OK," he comforted her.  
  
"It hurts."  
  
"I know Kitten, but you'll get over him..."  
  
"No... It hurts."  
  
She rolled over slowly and indicated the metal rod embedded deeply in her side.  
  
Spike looked at her, eyes wide with shock and fear.  
  
Her eyelids started to flutter closed.  
  
"Buffy! No! You're going to be OK, just stay awake, I'll get you to the hospital!" his eyes filled with tears.  
  
Cordelia ran out of the room to phone an ambulance.  
  
"Spike. Take care of Anne," she whispered, grasping for his hand.  
  
He covered her hand with his.  
  
"Buffy, please. Don't talk like that, you're going to be fine," he said desperately.  
  
"I love you."  
  
Her eyes closed and she became still.  
  
"Buffy! BUFFY! No! Don't go, I need you, I love you so much please, please wake up."  
  
He began to sob, tears spilling freely from his eyes.  
  
"Please," he uttered his final plea.  
  
He pulled her into his arms and held her as his sobs wracked through his body. He knew that he didn't want to be alive in a world that she wasn't in. But he knew that she would want him to heed her final words. He had a daughter to take care of, she was going to have to be raised without a mother and Spike knew that he was going to be around to make sure that she was raised right.  
  
It's what she would have wanted. The End 


End file.
